Sobs Of Insanity
by Monsieur Mimi
Summary: Rociel confronts Katan after Katan discovers a


Yay! Sayuri's back with her fifth fanfiction. Once again, apoligies for how bad it is, please offer me some constructive critiscism to help me improve! Once again, the focus is on Rociel and Katan, and Shounen Ai is only implied, this is not a shounen ai fiction.  
  
The story is set around volumes 10-14, I guess, but it could be set from any time after Katan got cured. It's PG-13 because Rociel is freaky and there's just abit of gory blood, but not too much! :) A basic summary is: Rociel confronts Katan after Katan discovers a "shrine" to Alexiel that Rociel has made.  
  
Told from Katan's POV.  
  
***  
  
Sobs Of Insanity  
  
***  
  
The long halls echo with my footsteps upon the marble floor. Grand, extravagant, a fitting palace for angels. It is filled with light, from large windows, the clouds outside rolling, soft pastel grey. My heart is beating slightly, and there is some icy sweat upon my brow. Rociel would not be happy if he knew what I was about to do. But I have to. I need to know what is in that room.  
  
Every night, he slips into that room, with the door closed, and sometimes he will not resurface for an hour or so. Without so much as a goodnight to me. I glance around again, I have reached the door. I put my hand against the cold, silver handle, my hand uncomfortably warm. I shouldn't do this. What my master does in that room is his business. But I am worried about him. He always seems so distant when he leaves there. He did declare it strictly out of bounds, but that seemed to be only for the maids, and he never said it directly to me.  
  
I push open the door and slip inside. The room is dark, shadowed, and has no windows and not a lot of light. There is a large table, covered in pictures, letters. jewellery. I cannot see it properly, so I venture forward into the dark.  
  
Alexiel's face looks up at me from every angle. That long flowing hair, dark large eyes, the slim pale body, dressed in revealing clothes. So many pictures, littered together, with pieces of paper with smooth, neat writing on them. I pick one up.  
  
It's a letter. A letter to Alexiel. Years, hundreds and thousands of years old. Rociel's writing. He's begging Alexiel to see him, his words pleading and desperate. My heart tugs desperately and I feel that I cannot breath. I should have expected something like this. but.  
  
Alexiel only brings badness. It was her fault what happened, why everything is this way now. Why Rociel is this way now. And Rociel is still fixated upon her. My eyes fill with tears. This "shrine" screams of my master's pain, and I cannot bear it. The drawings of Alexiel are Rociel's own, painstakingly accurate, but most seem crumbled in balls on the floor, unfinished.  
  
I hear the soft click of the door behind me, and my heart seems to stop. The soft clipping of footsteps come up behind me, and stops, a shadow casting over me. I know who it is.  
  
"Katan-kun"  
  
That soft beautiful voice, flat and emotionless. I freeze and say nothing. Dropping the drawing of Alexiel that I have been holding.  
  
A soft, beautiful hand slides onto my face from behind. Long manicured nails resting on my skin. I breathe in, feeling that sensation of Rociel's hand. A small part of me feels safe. He is so gentle. Maybe. Maybe he will not be angry.  
  
The fingernails suddenly flash backwards, scratching my cheek, and I feel warm blood start to run from the cuts they have formed. A sharp, bitter pain wells up in my throat.  
  
"Katan-kun"  
  
Now the voice is hard, unforgiving and mercilessly cruel. What have I done? Why did I go into this room?  
  
But I had to, didn't I? I worry about Rociel. I'm the only one who can care about him. protect him. or is that wishful thinking. Maybe I have no control over him. Maybe he has the control over me.  
  
I turn, brushing back tears forming in my eyes from the pain. "Rociel- sama!" I say, and I stumble upwards onto shaky legs, bowing deeply. "Rociel- sama, I-"  
  
Rociel brushes me aside calmly, and bends to pick up the image of Alexiel that I had dropped. He gently, (holding it as if it were the most valuable thing in all the heavens), places it back with the other drawings. I see the longing, the obsession and the love in his eyes as he stares at her face, and I also see the hatred and the frustration. Those huge amber eyes. He turns to regard me, and suddenly that fury is directed at me. I hang my head, trying to wipe the blood from my cheek.  
  
"Katan-kun." He says. "Why. were you in here?"  
  
His voice is not as hard and cruel as I expected it to be. It is soft, and almost. could it be, confused? Why isn't he slapping at me, or yelling at me? But I need to explain; I need to say why I disobeyed him!  
  
"Rociel-sama!" I say, "Please, I was worried about you. and I. and I." My voice trails off. Rociel gives an absent toss of his long waterfall of silver hair. "Don't be a bad boy Katan." He says, and his lips curve into that malicious smile I know so well. I don't know what to say, and I tense. Rociel approaches me, looking at me, his eyes darting between me and the "shrine" to his twin sister.  
  
"I really think." he says slowly, placing a hand around my waist and pulling me close to him. "It was a shame, that you never got to see her. except for in pictures." My face is inches away from his; I look away from his amber eyes, almost frightened, but longing to look.  
  
I struggle to think of the right thing to say, something that will please Rociel-sama. "I can imagine, by looking at you. But less beautiful than you. of course. Rociel-sama"  
  
Rociel trembles, and lowers his head onto my shoulder, pushing all of his weight onto it. I stumble onto the ground, where we are in a heap, Rociel nestling in my arms, like a small child, and although I try to resist, my heart beats in pain and I wrap my arms tightly around my master.  
  
"I'm hideous," He whispers.  
  
I feel the softness of his skin, and the magnificence of his pure white robes. I feel his long hair, falling into little tangles around his bare feet, leading to his knees, bent up to his chin as he rests in my arms. Those large amber eyes. right now are full of pain. How could he ever be hideous? The light shines around him, like he is almost precious.  
  
I lean towards his ear, his soft hair tickling my face. "You are beautiful, Rociel-sama"  
  
He says nothing.  
  
I wonder, why he is acting like this. On a day when I disobeyed him and found out something that he had hidden from me. Sometimes when I see Rociel, in the very few times when he acts like this, he is so full of pain I cannot bare it. I curse Alexiel for not killing him, releasing him from this pain of insanity. but if he had died, then where would I be? I was a wreck those years I spent without him, and I got him back. But when I did, I brought out his greatest fear. His insanity. And the knowledge that Alexiel had broken her promise.  
  
I continue. "You are more beautiful then all the beings in heaven. The pure radiance of your beauty shines like a bright light, and everyone follows it, Rociel-sama."  
  
He stiffens quite suddenly in my arms, his grip on me falling loose. His head snaps up to look at me, and I look away. A delicate, beautiful hand reaches up and slaps me sharply across my cheek, before Rociel pushes me away.  
  
Immediately I notice the warmth going from my arms, and a soft fear tingles in my stomach. I also feel saddened. I had been comforting him. But things were normal again now.  
  
"You don't really know about anything, Katan!" He snaps, snatching up the letter, the letter he had written to Alexiel all those hundreds of years ago. "How dare you come in here and read these things?! What gives you that right?!"  
  
I can say nothing, and I hang my head, like a young angel in disgrace.  
  
He stops from his reprimand suddenly. Still holding the letter to Alexiel, he picks up a picture of her in his other hand. He stares at her for a minute, her dark flowing her, her perfect oval face. He begins to tremble again, his hands shaking suddenly, his eyes dilating; I can see all the whites. His hands seize into fists, crumpling the two pieces of paper.  
  
In fury he begins to rip the letter into shreds, falling to his knees. He rips the picture, and grabs another, ripping and tearing, Alexiel's image scattered in shards all over the room. He cries out and grabs another, ripping furiously.  
  
"Rociel-sama.!" I cry out.  
  
Soon the room is filled with torn paper, and Rociel sits in the middle of the heap, trembling, his face shadowed by his long her. With his ripping fingers, he begins to scratch madly at the skin of his arms, drawing blood. Filled with worry that he is hurting himself, I grab his wrists. Stopping him.  
  
In fury he draws his hand free and slaps me again, the pain blossoming across my nerve-system. I fall back onto the floor, and he continues to mutilate his beautiful wrists, pale, touched by snow, now touched by soft red blood.  
  
"Please, Rociel-sama!" I say, staggering upwards, "Don't hurt yourself, please.! I don't know what to do, Rociel-sama.!" I cry, grabbing him again.  
  
"It's her fault!" He cries, scratching and scratching, knocking me away again, his eyes blazing with an inhuman fury. He stares at the blood dripping from his wrists. "Why won't I die?!" He screams, in anger, slamming a bloodied fist into the ground.  
  
The rage drains from his face, and once again his face is shadowed. He crumples onto the floor, his perfect hair a wild tangle, the blood dripping to the floor. Almost a wreck of the proud angel Rociel. He weeps, choked sobs of insanity and pain. "Why won't I die.? Why.?"  
  
I crawl towards him.  
  
"Rociel-sama."  
  
I pull him into my arms, cradling his head on my chest, feeling warm tears drip onto me. My hand strokes down his hair, and I hear him breathing brokenly.  
  
"I will never leave you, Rociel-sama"  
  
The scattered and broken images of Alexiel around us, watch us without mercy.  
  
- Fin - 


End file.
